Monday, August 30, 2004

Summer 2004

Yep. In five days, I move into a new chapter in my life as last night I moved out of one.

I'm done with summer. My job ended last night in big bang. The show last night was fantastic. The best yet. In fact, this summer overall has been one of the greatest. Yes I barely spent any time home, but looking back, I've made so many new friends. I'll start with DARTS.

DARTS job I desperatley wanted, and I knew that. However, it was ten times better than I wanted and I walked away with four new great friends...and an enemy. But besides Michel, I had an awesome time and I would've never met Natalie, Mabrouka, Christina, and Katie. It seems so long ago that I waved you guys goodbye on the bus. I miss you all so much. Natalie, our singing into the fan is a memory that will not go away soon. Mabrouka, how can I forget the first real slut I ever met. You rock my world (and my pants!). Christina, mommy, you made me laugh so much and you brought me back down to earth when I needed to be. Katie, I miss your smile and sweet laugh. Ah, hell Michel...nah...I hate him. Moe, Gabe, Sean, Monise, Annette, Ed, Phil- all these people have become part of one of the greatest memories of my life. Thank you all.

Then came the Berkshire Opera in which I was the assitant director. Not only did the job give me an new respect for the opera, but I it made me realize how much I would love to direct. Sam, Margaret, Carrie, Evan, Christina, Lianne, John, and everyone else who made the job a blast- thank you.

Finally, I spent my last three weeks home away from home working 7 days a week in what could be the best show I've participated in. I had so much fun at this job. I hate working backstage, but the show was so good, and the work wasn't that bad, and as I look back on it now, I feel so accomplished. Which is a good way to some up the summer. But I just wanted to thank Ashleigh- you made the job fun. Our dramatic fights and falls, supplying us with cards, our "fishing" trip- thank you. Erika- my shining star, you were my saving grace, making the job fun for me when I didn't want to be there. I will miss you so much this year. Krystal- what a little lady you have become. Your voluptous body and dumb quotes and stories will be missed. Leigh- the horny lesbian. You were the first lesbian to hump me. Thank you. To Ron and Harry, for providing me with eye candy. Lastly, to my mentor, James. I wouldn't have done this if it weren't for you. Thanks for everything you have done for me.

As I look back, I realized how much I have matured and grown. I think because of these three jobs I am prepared for the indepence that lays in front of me and I am grateful for all who assisted and participated in my life this summer. It was the best.

And I think I got the best advice last night at the closing party from someone that I ever got. Arthur, the gay costume designer who has been hitting on me (ew!) for the last two days gave me a kiss on the cheek and whispered "Enjoy your life" in my ear and it just seemed to strike a cord with me.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004


*In a baby voice* Boo hoo. Today I went to da doctors and had to get a shot for meningitis (would a baby be able to pronounce that?). Now I have a boo boo on my arm.

Actually, I was inkwedibily- oh sorry - *stops talking in baby voice*. I was incredibly nervous to get it, and I dont know why. I've never been afraid to get a shot before, even when I was little. But I was waiting for like ten minutes in the waiting room and I felt like my stomach was eating itself I was so nervous. It was the anticipation that killed me: "I haven't gotten a shot in so long, will it hurt?" "How much will it hurt?" "How big will the needle be?" "Will my arm hurt afterwards?" "Am I going to get sick from sitting in this pediatric waiting room where sick little kids probably drooled all over the chair I'm sitting in?"

Well- No. Not much. Small. Not yet. And we'll see.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Last night was amazing

No I didn't have sex or anything. But I saw Kristin Chenoweth sing with the Boston Pops (and Keith Lockhart- Natalie!) and OMG it was amazing. She is incredible. Truly. She sang a bunch of Broadway songs and some stuff from her CD (which I intend to buy very soon.) And she sang the last song from Wicked (it's a duet with her and Idina in the show but last night she sang it alone) and it was so good. So I had a good night last night.

Tonight, I'm working again. It never ends. Actually, it does, next Sunday night, but that's not my point.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

My new love...

For the third time, this summer I have a new obsession. First there was "Mystery Boy" from camp. Then Evan, a cute straight singer at the opera. Now there is Harry, a 29 year old gay male who is a costumer for the show I'm working on. He's the cutest, nicest guy I've met in a long time. And we, mostly I, flirt sometimes. But he's 29- and has a boyfriend. That doesn't mean we can't flirt and I can't watch his every move and fawn over him. I heart Harry!

So I'm actually (suprisingly) having a blast at the show. Yes, I never stop working (days with both matinees and then night shows are a complete drag) and I hate crew work but I made a bunch of new friends, strengthened old friendships and met Harry. Erika and I are getting along uber well. We have secret nicknames for everyone so we talk about them all the time (Harry's is "oatmeal"). My boss is actually a very horny lesbian, and has a crush on the assistant stage manager, Ashleigh, who is straight, and we all get a big kick out of that. I've also met and get along great with Sara, the owner of the theater's daughter. She's a great girl too.

And we've been going out to eat all over the place and having so much fun. We went to 99, Hot Harry's, and plan on going to the Panda Inn buffet at some point and pig out on Chinese food. I am really having a ton of fun.

So tommorow, I actually have a day off- I know! I want to see The Princess Diaries 2 really bad but I dont know if I'll have enough money because I'm buying tickets to go (back) to Tanglewood to see Kristin Chenoweth (who I saw as Glinda in Wicked) sing Broadway showtunes with the Boston Pops and I am UBER EXCITED! I really cannot wait. It's just fate that I had the one day she's doing this off. So I will report back on that on Tuesday.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Great things happening...

I changed the blog title if you didn't notice. Wanted something fresh.

So yesterday I got my labtop! Hurrah! It's beautiful. Really beautiful. I haven't had time to set it up (the show opened last night for previews and I've got another preview tonight before the official opening tommorow) but it's opened. It's an iBook, a Mac, and I got a wicked cute carrying case for it too.

In case you didn't know, I've been working on a show for the Colonial Theater here in the city I live in called "They're Playing Our Song" starring Chip Zien (The Baker from the original cast of "Into the Woods" if anyone cares) and Amanda Watkins (who starred in "Urinetown" at one point.) It really is an amazing show and (I know my DARTies can't but) if anyone can make it, the tickets are pretty cheap and you get to see me run across stage moving furniture like crazy!

And I got my first email from my roomate in college next year. Apparently he's into partying and girls (dammit!) and is majoring in business hopefully getting a job in the fashion or automotive industries. WAIT- did I just say fashion and automotive- yes, I think- yes I did- that's right. Clothes and cars. WHAT! WHAT! How polar can you get? Fashion and cars? It's like he's gay and straight at the same time....BI! No...he said he's into girls though. He also plays tennis (which I knew) and volleyball. Real manly sports, eh? But no, he SAID he's into girls. Oh well. So I gotta email him back and tell him about me now.

Oh and Mabrouka- this Michel thing- GRRRR! I emailed you back after that conversation. He hates me now. Oh sorry- for those who aren't with me on this- the camp conselour (I CAN NEVER SPELL THAT RIGHT!) who annoyed the crap out me, Michel- well I told him I was gay and had a little fun by saying I was in love with him...blah blah was pretty funny (eh, M.?) But now he hate me because he thought I would rape him and was staring at his wee wee in the bathroom and stuff. What a loser. But read the new email Mabrouka- I want to see what you have to say.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Post 32

Yeah so, it's not like I forgot to update this- but honestly I have not had one complete hour without doing anything (besides sleep time) since last Friday. I wake up at 9:30, have to be at work by 10:30 and am there until 11:30 pm. Crazy ass days. The job- well it sucks. It sucks so bad. I hate every minute. The only saving grace of the job is Erika (THANK YOU!) because she keeps me entertained and we talk all the time about stuff. Good stuff, bad stuff, but we talk and it's really been great because of her. Other than that, the job stinks like doo doo.

Right now I am off for two hours (today for example- I work 11 to 2, then 4 to 11. Urg!) so I decided to update to show I'm not dead. I'm very much alive, well, at least alive.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Here's What I Did Today

So today I took a day off from work (I said my vacation went until Thursday- so sue me!) and I went school shopping today. I got about 2 brand new complete outfits with a couple of other clothing with that to give me about 15 different combos I can make. I love clothes! I had so much fun. We hit H&M, Gap, Old Navy, and JC Penney. And I got a bunch of new accessories too! Oh it was tres fun.

Other than that, nothing. Tommorow I start my new job- 9 to 5. Blah. It's gonna suck doo doo I know it. Watching BB5 right now. Bye.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

"Back here, baby..."

So I'm back. Yay! I've got stories to tell at some point.

BTW- I also got my roomate. Some guy named Brendan. I Googled his name and found out he's into tennis and cars. Just like me! (I'm rolling my eyes.) I've got to write a letter to find out more about this kid.

Also, I was listening to some old school Jewel on the ride home today (you know "Who Will Save Your Soul?" "You Were Meant for Me" songs) and I thought about how she sold out and it started to bother me. Why do musicians sell out to sell more albums? I mean look at Alanis and Sheryl Crow- I respect them because they really haven't changed but then you have people like Jewel (who I loved her old music) and Liz Phair (who was an awesome rock chick) who sell out and turn all pop to sell CDs. Go back to the old way Jewel!

Sunday, August 08, 2004


No updates for a week. Bye!

Thursday, August 05, 2004

The Village

So yeah- I saw The Village yesterday. I'm bias because I love love LOVE M. Night Shyamalan. He's probably my all time favorite director- but I loved this movie! Ahhh! It was so good! And Bryce Dallas Howard was incredible. And this is her first movie! She's got a good career in front of her. But yeah- the twist- it didn't bother me. I thought it was good. It wasn't a good horror movie like Jen thought it would be, I see her point there. But as a movie, I thought it was good. Shyamalan is incredible in the way he constructs his movies and films them- I love it. Can you tell I liked this movie? Just a little?

Tonight I'm going to go see "The Miracle Worker" at Berkshire Theater Festival. It should be fun- but sad because it's the last time I'm going to see these people for a while. *tear* But I'm also planning on giving my ex-best friend (Sara) a 5 page note explaining why I'm so disappointed in her and that I don't care if we don't keep in touch because she means nothing to me now. It should be fun!

I gotta go roll coins now.

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Today we will be...

Sorry about that long rant yesterday. It's just I had to get it out.

So I got my DARTS paycheck this morning- about damn time! It's been what- a month since I stopped working there and I finally get my paycheck today. Gheesh!

I'm going to see The Village in about 2 hours- zoikes! I heard the ending and script sucks. Well, we'll just have to see about that. I'll post a review later.

Anyways- I watched The Amazing Race last night and my favorite team on there is Mirna and Charla. They rule! I heart them soooo much. Here's two pictures of Charla:

Yes, Charla's dwarf. But that doesn't mean I don't heart her! In those pictures she is going down a 140 ft. shaft in Egypt. She's the best! The Amazing Race is probably my favorite of all reality shows (but it's a close first with Big Brother and Survivor.)

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

I hate brothers.../Children

I just had this huge fight with my brother. Grr...he knows he can get to me by calling me "faggot" and oh he riles me up when he does. I am so pissed at him right now it isn't funny. And it's all because he decides to have Eggos for lunch. Well that's OK, but he knows it's the only breakfast food I can eat at the moment because whole milk (which my mom bought at the store not realizing it was whole milk- DUH!) doesn't sit well in my half lactose intolerant digestive system. So I asked him nicely- please don't eat those for lunch I need them for breakfast- and he starts flipping out- he throws the waffles away and starts screaming at me how I'm so selfish and oh I'm such a fag. Well boy- he rubbed me the wrong way because I started hitting him and kicking him and he kept calling me it. So then I start screaming at him. Ugh! I hate him so much! I was so happy last week when they were gone. And it's sounds awful but I keep telling myself- I only have 31 more days of living in this house. That's all.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my kids. My future kids. When I want to have them. What their names will be. And especially about how I plan on raising them. I think about how my parents raised the three of us. My two brothers and I.

I am the oldest. I think I turned out a very well rounded kid. My main passion in life is theater (which I get from my mother.) I don't drink or smoke. I have my own morals and ideals and I stick to them. I'm a very independent person in that way. I'm not a born leader, I sit and watch and wait until things go ary- and once they do I step in and fix it all. I'm tolerant and respectful of other people and their differences, outgoing, personable. I am a very mature person, I am intune with my emotions, understand who I am, think maturely, and have mature relationships with both my friends, which I have a lot of, and family, who I am close to (especially my mother). The thing is- I've always felt feelings in my family went un-discussed. I broke that barrier last year when I came out and have discussed me emotions openly. On the other hand, I am extremely picky, sometimes selfish, a little spoiled, and an extreme perfectionist. And when people push me the wrong way, I become very demeaning and make people feel that they are as big as this word. I am also a very good liar and have lied many times to people in my life. Not always to hurt them- but so I don't hurt them. I used to be blunt and told people how I felt about them to their face but now I can't do that. I often tell people lies to make them feel good, but I am lying to them. But underneath it all I have a caring, gentle heart and empathize extremely easily.

My brother Shaun is the middle child. At home he's loud, wants attention all the time, a bit of a comic, and in general most of the family blocks him out often because he's always got to fidget and talk and be annoying. As far as I know, he's never drank or smoked. But it's not like he has a lot of friends to go out to a party with. He's a very jealous person and often is jealous of me because I have so many friends. But if he were like he is home in public, things would be different. In public he is the complete opposite of what he is at home. He's shy, quiet, aloof, reserved. He hardly talks to anybody. Complete opposite of me. I talk to everyone I can. I don't think he quite understands himself yet and I've had long conversations with my mother about how she's worried about him when I leave for college. He's always lived under my shadow, copying me, letting me pave the way for him. However, when I'm gone- he's gonna have to pave the way himself- which he's going to have a tough time with because it means he's going to have to come out of his shell. Shaun's also into art- he is an artist- which he gets from my father (who is also an artist- a graphic artist and painter in real life.) He's also the soon to be Eagle Scout of the family- Scouts is a priority in his life which bonds him with my Dad.

My littlest (not so little anymore) brother Brandon is quite different from both Shaun and myself. He was my mother's "experiment." Shaun and I often rag on him because he never went to Catholic school (like we did), isn't expected to do as much (he's the baby!), always gets special suppers cooked for him (God forbid he should try something with tomato sauce on it!- he won't even try new things!), and doesn't have to go to CCD like both my brother and I did. And I think this is why he is so lazy. When I think of Brandon I think lazy. He doesn't want to do anything and squirms out of it any time someone asks him too. Unless he gets paid for it. He's also a slob and doesn't care at all for his surroundings and property. This does not work well at all with my neat-freaky-ness and often succumbs to my screaming at him to pick something up. He doesn't do it but I still yell. For instance yesterday, I knew Brandon had eaten lunch because when I opened up the fridge I found the deli bag with sliced turkey open, turkey spilling out on the top shelf with the milk. He was so lazy he couldn't close the bag and put it in the meat drawer! I mean- it wouldn't have taken that much effort. Shaun and I share Mom (with me winning because Shaun is in the middle an tries to get equal attention- but he gets more from Mom) and Brandon is daddy's little boy. They share all the same interests- war, fighting, guns, planes- stuff like that. Stuff I hate.

We've all been raised by he same parents yet- we're so different. So bringing this back around to the top- I look at us and say is this how I want my kids to turn out? Yes and no. I want to be closer to my kids than my parents were to me growing up. It wasn't until last year- year 16 of my life I felt I could actually talk to them. I want to have that connection with my kids from the start. I want it so if they want to talk to me- they can- no problem. I want to be close to them and them close to me. I never want to have a relationship like my father and I had. We've always had a rocky relationship (we clash on a lot of things) and I don't want that feeling for my kids because I know how they felt. My father has always been to the childish type who is immature when it comes to feelings. He doesn't know how to express them. It's because of the family he was raised in. I don't want to be that for my kids. My parents have molded me into someone who is open and can express themselves and I want my kids to be like that too. I want them to be OK and understand no matter what it's OK to have gay parents and it doesn't make them any different from other kids. I want them to accept all people and be tolerant because predjudice and hatred are feelings that should never be felt for anyone because of something they can't help. I know how it feels to be hated and it's not nice. I don't want them to make anyone else feel that way.

Wow. OK. So now that I've rambled on and gotten pretty serious I'm going to end this therapy session. I don't know what's gotten into me lately....

Monday, August 02, 2004

A rant about the 90s

You know, if I had to pick one quintessential 90s television show it would be Saved By the Bell. As I sat (or layed) and watched a rerun on TBS at 12:00 this afternoon the 90s smacked me across the face. I mean- Tori (that girl who randomly appeared when Kelly and Jessie mysteriously disappeared) was wearing her trademark leather jacket with gigantic- I mean HUGE shoulder pads. And then Lisa Turtle showed up wearing a black and flourescant green suit jacket (the kind really tight at the waist and then flares out at the bottom) and a miniskirt. I mean- could this show get any more 90s- sure it could- look at Slater's mullet and yellow muscle tees with the pink and blue elastic Hammer pants hiked up much further then God ever intended pants to be pulled up. I don't know how this were even fashionable at one point. They seem so disgusting to me now. But at one point I thought they were cool. I mean I wore the Hammer pants. I wore the neon green and pink baseball hats. I wore the "Save the Earth" shirts.

Remember the all of a sudden "Save the Earth" trend. Where did that go? I was driving along the street the other day and the passenger in the car in front of me threw a napkin out the window. Nobody in 1991 would have done that. But it's 2004 now- so it's ok?

A then yesterday I downloaded a bunch of old songs- songs I used to love. Music in the 90s. Ohhh- memories. Dancing to the Spice Girls- Hanson- or you can go even further back and go to Ace of Base "The Sign" or "Pump Up the Jam" by Technotronic or "The Power" by Snap or "Groove Is in the Heart" by whoever- they all are the same now. It seems the early 90s were just one hit wonders. Then we have the late 90s- when I really started getting into music. Remember "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia or "The Way" by Fastball. Those songs used to consume the radio like that obnoxious JoJo song does now. I wonder if that era of music will always be my favorite. Alanis, Sheryl Crow, Sarah McLachlan, Matchbox 20, Jewel, Savage Garden- all those people. Will these people be my father's The Doors or my mother's The Carpenters? Time will tell.