Friday, December 31, 2004

3 for $25

That's right I bought THREE FABULOUS DVDs today at my local Hollywood Video. THREE for $25! What a

So this will be my last post in this year. *Sadness* What a year has it been. I suppose I should've written some sort of recap of the year. Important events that happened to me. But alas I have not. Nor do I have the time to. In the past year I have had several crushes, none of which turned into anything positive. I succeeded gradwise but suffered emotional through the last half of my senior year. I have lost a best friend and gained them back. I left my high school with a bang as I triumphed in "Anything Goes" and got the highest grade possible on my theater final. I graduated from high school, had an amazing once-in-a-lifetime summer where I met some great people in DARTS, grew an appreciation for opera while doing an Assistant Director internship, worked with several Broadway stars with another theater internship. I began my freshman year of college where I have been in two plays and met a slewful of people I know will be my friends for a while.

Overall, 2004 has been a good year for me (it's the optimist in me- I forget the bad times.) I'm excited for the upcoming people...maybe I can finally lose that goddamn weight...probably not. But the next time I will post on this website it will be in 2005. Yippee!

Happy new year!

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Pat asks himself questions and answers them!

Yo yo yo! It's been a few days. So here's a recap:

1) How was Christmas?
It was a very very good Christmas this year, possibly one of the best. I got a tres cool digital camera, of which I will be putting pictures up very soon. I've been playing with it a lot and it is so much fun! I got Kelly Clarkson's new CD which I LOVE! It's been playing nonstop on loop on my iTunes (*iTunes-gasm*) and it's probably one of the best CDs I own. There is not one song on it I don't like. I got a bunch of DVDs and Disney movies (for us Disney freaks at school to watch I know am a proud owner of Mary Poppins, Mulan, AND the Aladdin Special Collector's Edition Box Set- woOt!) I also got season two of one of my favorite TV shows, Roswell, which I will watch as soon as I am done watching Alias before that season premire on the 5th. Yes my life revolves around TV, and even more so now because WE GOT CABLE! Yes, for the first time in nearly ten years our house will be connected to the world of cable television. No more QVC for me, baby! I can finally watch my Golden Gals again! Yippee!

2) So what have you been up to?
Absolutley nothing. I am totally enjoying my time off by well, enjoying not having anything to do. I've been extremely lazy watching nothing my my Alias DVDs (did I mention I'm supser excited for the new season to start?) and just lounging around sleeping. Although last night I hung out with Jen and Liz over Jen's GIGANTIC new house (it's like four times the size of mine.) And I don't think I laughed as hard as I did in a long time. So much that I lost my voice again. "Poo nuggets!" Haha. Ohhhh, fun times.

3) Geez, you're really boring!
Yeah I know. But I've been thinking a lot lately about stuff in general. I haven't been sleeping well and my dreams are all about my subconcious thoughts (I had a dream the other night I lost my keys to get in my dorm room after winter break and was stressing out so much I woke up to find myself out of my bed crawling around the floor looking for my keys which aren't even in my room.) But anyways, I've been thinking about dropping the idea of becoming an actor. It really is what I want to do and it breaks my heart to think that I might not be able to do it. And I don't want a job where I'm not able to support myself, or where I'm scraping along. And I don't have a good enough voice as of right now (well, right now I have no singing voice due to the cold still inhabiting my bones) to make it as a musical theater actor which leaves non singing roles which are a lot less available in the theater which means I could go to L.A. and try movies, but I don't have the body or looks to suceed there so basically I'm stuck. I just don't think I'd be able to suceed as an actor and I want nothing but to do it. But I don't know what I'm going to do. Nothing's in writing yet, and I'm still an FPA major at MCLA, but both of those things could change in the near future.

4) One more thing! How did you do on your report card?
Oh thanks for asking! I actually did very well and my GPA was a 3.8 which is very good and which means I made the Dean's List and if I keep it up I'll be on the Honor's Society next year! Huzzah!

Aight, so I gave you a "Reader's Digest" version of the last couple'a days. My life is pretty boring right as you can see, basically just enjoying vacation. And once I upload all my pics from my camera I'll post the pretty ones here. Yay!

Wednesday, December 22, 2004


I am all done with the hell that is Christmas shopping. Not that I hate buying gifts for people. I love doing that. And the tingly feeling that comes when they open thse gifts. It makes me feel special, after all that is what the Christmas spirit is all about- giving. But I hate going out to buy these gifts, because everywhere is mobbed with people and they're all nuts and don't know how to walk and it's just a huge pain in the ass. But I am officially done right now.

Also, I wanted to say I'm pretty sure updates throughout the vacation are going to be sparse and few and far between. I don't have full time all day easy access to the internet here at home so I'm going to be updating when I can, which won't be that often. Just wanted to tel y'all.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Two whole days!...

...without an update on my life! Oh no! How will you all ever survive? Well, hopefully this one will help you.

So Saturday was nuts. Attempted to go shopping, but everywhere was a mad house. So I didn't and I'm planning on finishing up my gift getting on Wednesday when the crazy people are at their 9-5 jobs.

Sunday was our rockin' holiday party which, despite a minor skirmish with a certain close-minded and open-mouthed individual, we all survived, maybe just a little tireder than before we started.

And today I began the morning by burning my mouth on a Mocha Swirl Latte (or Mocha Latte Swirl as my mother called it- even though I specifically told her Mocha Swirl Latte, she insisted she heard Mocha Latte Swirl- I just find it funny.) Then I got here, had some lunch and crammed in some studying for my math final. I think I did pretty good on it, maybe missed a few questions that I never really grasped the concept of anyways. Then I came back here and rushed my art final projects. Oh well, I got them done, badly, but they're done and right now that's all that matters.

Then I spent the rest of the night down with my pals on floor 2 and celebrated our last night here together until next semester. It seems so far away and I'm certainly gonna miss them all, but I can't wait for Christmas. It's gonna be a great one, I can tell.

So that's all. I have to get up in 5 hours for my art final. Yipee!

Friday, December 17, 2004

Finals: Day 1

Sorry for the late post. Actually- who am I kidding? I'm not sorry. I just figured it would be a way to tell what I was doing all night. I was watching "Men of Honor" with my favorite cousin who goes to this college and my favorite RA from Floor 2. It was a pretty good movie, kept my interest. Although it did tend to lean towards the cheesy side- especially during the push-up sequence in front of a sunset. I mean, c'mon who does push-ups in front of a beautiful sunset, right Heather?

So I had two finals today, one for Self and Society, for which I wrote about "The Apprentice" and discrimination against women in the workforce, and one for Intro to Fine Arts Seminar which was probably the easiest test ever with the hardest questions ever. Make sense? I doubt it. But for instance, many of the questions were fill in the blank questions, but there were other questions like "What were the two styles of music in Ancient Greece?" I had no idea, so I put down "Hip/Hop and Showtunes" because I figured if nothing else, she'll get a laugh.

And I seem to really be stressing about the finals. I had this wicked anxiety attack this morning at like 5:30. I kept coughing, and I couldn't breathe right and I was panicking and pacing and I couldn't get to sleep. I just had me a glass of water and I settled down and told myself "I'm not going to keep stressing because I need sleep." Sure this was like a half hour later, but I did eventually get to sleep.

Heading home tommorow to get some Christmas shopping done. Well, to start it and finish it. Oh my God! I just realized Christmas is a week away! I am soooo excited! I love giving presents as much as I love getting them. I love wrapping them and putting them under the tree and having my family try and guess what I got them. Oh it's so much fun!

As for my sickness, it doesn't look like I will be any better for the party. My voice is still shot, my throat hurts like a bitch, and I continue hacking up thick mucus. I hope this is not Strepp. That would suck. A lot.

Sorry for this extremely boring entry. Today was a fairly boring day. And I'm too tired to think up anything original. 'Night!

Thursday, December 16, 2004


Having a talk with someone is amazing way to get something off your chest. Which is why I love people that I can talk to. And it's also a pleasant suprise when I find out the person I am talking to has the same feeling as me. Let's give a "Yay!" for mutual feelings.

You know who you are and I just wanted to say how happy I am friends with you. I haven't really made a post about you so here it is. Hehe. You're the best!

The art of the American TV sitcom

So today is MCLA "Reading Day" a.k.a "Day off before finals intending for studying" or for me "Day to be lazy and procrastinate." So far most of my morning has been spent watching reruns of sitcoms on various channels. You can almost count that at every single point of the day, there is a sitcom on any given channel. So far my morning has consisted of "Full House", "Ellen", "Family Matters" and "The Golden Girls" with a little "The Nanny" thrown in. I also tried teaching myself how to do the Charleston, but that's not here, nor there, so we're pretending I didn't do that.

First off, these two characters are probably the most annoying and irritating characters on television, yet why do I love them both so much? I used to watch the shows they were on every single night. I wouldn't miss one. I remember the Gibbler was on Tuesday nights with Roseanne and Co. and Urkel was part of the TGIF lineup with Sabrina and Boy Meets World. Oh the fun of youth. Sitting on the couch, watching sitcoms. Now they mostly just annoy me.

I see how cheesy they actually are. For instance, the plot of Full House today involved Michelle wanting to be her own person. So she decided she's a big girl and she is going to climb to the top of the batting cage. Well, once she gets up there, she realizes she is actually a small girl and is terrified. Cue the dramatic music as Bob Saget comes on to the playground (why is he there anyways, it's recess and shouldn't he be working?) He tells her she is a big girl and can do this. The whole playground gathers around to watch Michelle climb back down the chain link. It all ends with a big hug and a "You did it yourself, honey! You are a big girl!" Gag me with a spoon, PUHLEASE!

Not all old sitcoms annoy me like Full House does. I love "The Golden Girls" and I watch it daily. It is actually one of the funniest shows on televison. I think I laugh at least one big hearty laugh everytime I watch an episode. It never fails to put me in a cheery mood. Also, I'm starting to get into "Ellen", Ms. Degeneres' first sitcom a couple years back. But no sitcom grates on my nerves as much as "The Nanny." I used to adore this show and watch it every Monday night on CBS. Now, I hate it. It's not so much Miss Fine's voice, but it's the show. "I simply abhor it!" (That was typed with a British accent.)

And what has happened to sitcoms? They had a peak from like the mid-80s to the mid-90s, now they're slowly fading away. Only Will and Grace and Everybody Loves Raymond remain from that peak period. All the good ones have been cancelled or have ended and Raymond is ending this year. Now crap like "According to Jim" and "Two and a Half Men" are on. Have sitcoms gone down the tube? Or have I just grown out of them? Is America less accepting of the TV sitcom now? If so, why? Answer these questions, and you will win a prize.

Just kidding. You won't win anything.

My early morning post...

OK, this Mike hogging the bathroom situation has GOT to end. I'm afraid to go in there at all between the hours of 1 and 3 because it's like he owns the damn place. Every morning when I go in to use the bathroom, he comes out of nowhere and molests me with his "How's it going?" questions. Well not any more, pallie! I've got a secret plan that I put into use tonight so that there is no way he can hear me. First, I wait and hear to make sure he is in his room and is done walking in and out of the bathroom like he does often. Then, when I'm sure he's finished, I open my door handle very quietly. Then I don't shut my door all the way, so he doesn't hear any sort of clicking noise. Then I quietly but briskly walk to the bathroom and open the door ever so slightly so I slide right in without the door squeaking. Then I use the toliet, but I don't flush it. Yet, anyways. Then I use the sink, but turn the water on just enough so that it's quiet, but will do the job I need it to do. Then when I'm sure I'm done, I run to the toliet, flush it fast and run out the bathroom to my room. Then I shut my door behind me. That is when I hear his door open and he walks to the bathroom to see if anyone is in there. When he discovers nobody is in there, he slumps back to his room in defeat as I shake my fist in triumph at a job well done behind my closed door. Yes, these chain of events actually occured tonight. And to prove how much Mike guards the bathroom, right after I got settled down, Nick (my roomie) got up to use the bathroom. He didn't use my plan though and shut the door, not loudly, but loud enough. As soon as the door shut and I heard the bathroom door squeak, Mike's door opened and he followed Nick into the bathroom. It's kind of spooky, isn't it?

So as I sit here and read some people's Live Journals, I wonder why can't I have an interesting life like theirs? I mean they go out and do these crazy things, and have relationships and crushes and such, and honestly- I do and have nothing of the sort. My night was composed of movies and Clue (which I'm not dissing, cuz I totally had a blast- especially beating Courtney!) But I mean these people seem to have so much fun, and I often feel like I'm being left out of this funness they are having. Sure they are having their own style of fun and it's not like mine, but I feel like I want to try their style of fun. I'm probably not making sense. It's after 3 AM now.

But seriously, like I've been thinking. All these theater friends of mine go to the Cabaret cast party, but I didn't go because I knew there would be alchohol there and I'm just not a party person. But it would've been a really great place to socialize and meet people. But I didn't go. Why am I so afraid of alchohol? I used to think it was mature of me to be able to say no, but it's like I'm not the norm when I say that. It seems now like people who are mature drink, and I feel like I'm a little kid who says "No to drugs!" Does it make you more mature to drink? Or am I doing the right thing sticking to what I believe in? But then I question why do I believe in it? What makes me not drink? I just don't know. Perhaps I have this ridiculous fear of my parents finding out and punishing me. Maybe it's because it was instilled in me at such a young age and I've just never challenged the idea "alchohol is bad for you." I sit and see all of my friends do it, but yet I never join them (I admit I've tried it, but only a sip to see what it tasted like.) Or maybe it's because I never drank in high school because I never needed to. I always had a ton of fun with my friends without drinking. We'd just enjoy each other and have fun sober. Sometimes we'd lose all inhibitions and just act drunk and do things people wouldn't do sober, but we did them just as that ( kissing and flashing...remember those good ole days Sara, Jen, Liz, and DeeDee?)

But it feels nice now to have Courtney not drinking because of basketball season. It's funner for me to have someone sober who I can have a conversation with that they will remember in the morning. And I had lots of fun playing Clue with her (especially cuz I beat her four times- FOUR! Hahaha- OK, I'll stop rubbing it in now.) But I enjoy Courtney's company and she's quickly becoming one of my bestest pals here who I pretty much trust (and I'm not one to trust easily.) It's funny because we're so different on so many levels but I have yet to be upset with or irritated by her, which is a very good thing with me. I just find her extremely easy to talk to and fun to be around and she makes me laugh a lot, which is good. And I don't think I'll ever forget one night Courtney told me I was a "good friend" and it's moments like those that truly mean a lot to me and make me feel special and wanted. She's a very good friend to me, too.

I feel my sickness fading away *knock on wood*. I'm coughing up my mucus, which may sound gross, but it's actually healthy cuz it means the stuff it coming out of my system. I've always wondered where all this crap is stored. But now, for some reason, the gum on the right back side of my mouth has swollen up and is bleeding a lot. I don't know what it means, but it hurts like a mother. It can't be a cavity I have sealants on all my teeth. Maybe it's just inflamed gums. I don't know, but I want it to go away. Alright, so it's almost 3:30, and this is a long post, so I'm heading to bed. I'm sleeping in tommorow. Yay for no more classes!

Wednesday, December 15, 2004


Have you ever had one of those days when you just feel uncomfortable in your own skin. Like every part of your body feels disgusting and everything you do is disgusting and you just feel like a total piece of excrement. Yeah, that's how I feel today. This sickness, whom I have nicknamed "Shitty ass cold thing" has now moved from my chest to my nose. Frankly, I would've rather had it in my chest, because at least then my nose didn't continuosly have snot dripping from it. And now my nose has become bright red and extremely dry and hurts like hell. And my lips are cracked and keep bleeding. And my tooth aches again (I totally must have a cavity somewhere, damnit.) And I just feel so uncomfortable. I'm that one kid in the class you think is disgusting because he sits in the corner, honking his nose and coughing and then he runs out of Kleenex and has to reuse the ones he just blew his nose into. Yeah, yeah that's me. I've already gone through two Kleenex box. I'm on my third and it'll run out before the night is through because I just go through them that quick. It's not like I just blow my nose for fun, I need too otherwise I can't breathe. And I'm loaded up on all kinds of medicine, Sudafed, Tylenol, Robitussin, Cough Drops, Throat Soothers, you name it. And I have a math quiz this afternoon! Gah! And all this just in time for finals when I have a done of work and studying to do. Yay...thank you whoever gave this to me. You rock!

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Oh, irony, you slay me...

Anyone else find it extremely ironic (and a bit funny I suppose) that I go into a severe coughing/sneezing fit as "The Air That I Breathe" plays on iTunes?

Hell hath no fury like Robitussin..

I can't take this medicine without my entire body convulsing. It just is so terrible! Why must they make something to make you feel better so hard to take? Although, I must say, I have gotten pretty good at drinking the stuff like it was a shot (not that I've tried shots, but this is what I assume they are like.) I just tip my head back and WHOOP! down the throat it goes.

I hate being sick. I really do. Especially now during crunch time, because being sick makes me have no motivation and I need motivation because I have bunches 'o' things due this week. Oy.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Sickness, you bastard...

Me: i think this is something that is going around because a whole bunch of people here are sick too. a lot of people in the cabaret are sick too.
Me: they have wicked coughs
Me: and i think i caught it from them
Me: because my immune system sucks like doody
My dad: one guy in here was coughing for about a month a month ago in november or late september
Me: *pause* what do you want, a cookie?
My dad: who wants a cookie
Me: i'm asking you if you do
My dad: what kinda cookie
Me: a "that last statement about the guy in your office had 2% revelance to what I was saying" cookie


That was a conversation I had with my sometimes dim-witted father over the internet earlier this afternoon. You see, some sort of disease which makes my chest feel tight and makes my body convulse in pain everytime I cough has consumed my body and life. I tried explaining this to my father, but as usual he tells me something that barely has anything to do with what I'm talking about. I could be having a serious conversation with him and he randomly says something like "You know what the dog did this afternoon?" It's like- Dad! I could care less! Focus on me!

But I hate being sick. It's my damn crappy immune system. And I know I'm going to be sick now for like the next two weeks so that when I go home next week, I can have this shitty cough and my nose will start leaking like a faucet because I'm allergic to my dog so I'll be double sick and then the snots from my nose will run down my throat and into my stomach where they will force me to have stomach pains and vomit after every meal like I did over Thanksgiving vacation. Yay.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

My "Week of Performance" Wrap-up

So tonight was my last night of craziness. It's been a blast starting out my theater career here at MCLA. We had an awesome chorus show last weekend, a fantasic one-act on Wednesday night, and well- the Cabaret was this weekend. Both my parents and a few friends told me the show wasn't nearly as bad as I had made it out to be. I, on the other hand, hated it. I just don't know why it makes me so depressed to be a part of that show. It really puts me in such a shitty mood. We had a ton of technical difficulties tonight which was very very frustrating. Oh well.

I'm really to tired to post a coherent blog and too emotional to try and sit here and type out my feelings, so I'm going to sleep now.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Myself: On the Cabaret and Being Anti-social

So the show went well tonight I supose. As well as it is going to be. I don't know how I feel about it really. I mean there are basically, in my opinion, three really "stand-out" acts and the rest is I don't know. I'm not feeling it and it's depressing me being there. Especially like in the West Side Story dance. I hate it. I absolutley hate it. I mean, I go out there, do my diddy and move on, but it really sucks. Really. It's not good and I hate being a part of it. I cannot wait until next year when I direct an act. It's gonna be good. I already see it and know what I'm going to do.

But I'm basically in a good mood for the first two acts of the show, and then I can't wait for the thing to be over with. I just feel so wasted in the whole thing especially because the director for my pieces is a moron and didn't put my name in one of them. The one I WANTED to be in, no less.'s just so frustrating. And the show bores and depresses me which makes me just sit by myself during the show and be anti-social and I think everyone in the FPA department either hates me or thinks I'm weird. It's not that I am- I want to be challenged in theater. It's something I love doing. I want to make something to best it can be. Which is why I love Sweet Charity because it's the best it can be and it's good. West Side Story is thrown together and unfinished and it's just plain dumb. Especially because I have to stand off the stage and nobody can see me. makes me want to transfer so bad. I need a school that will challenge me in my field. I need a school that does more than 1 play and 1 poorly produced musical show each semester. And I know I'm going to get myself in trouble by saying that, but I love this school and the people here- I hate my major. I just don't think MCLA has what I need major-wise. *Sigh*

And there was a cast party tonight at Will's house but I'm so not going because, well I don't drink and frankly, I don't want to be social right now even though it would be good for me to get out and meet people in my "major." Maybe I just need winter break to be here and for me to be away from this school for a while. I think it'll do me good. Because good ole' depressed Pat is coming back and I hate when he does that because then things suck. But I don't think I have laughed as hard as I did tonight when my good friends from PHS came up to see my show and so I want to give a shoutout to Larissa, Erika, Krystal, and Jess who all came to see the show and hung out with me and it was tres fun and I can't wait to see y'all again!

Here goes...

I'm off to our final dress rehearsal for the Cabaret before tonight's rehearsal. Hopefully it will go 1000x better than yesterday's. Hopefully.

And I also enabled it so anyone can comment now. So leave comments so I know you exist!

Friday, December 10, 2004

Exhaustion, must you continuously rape me?

I have just awoken from a three hour nap. In a few minutes, I intend to lay back down and continue sleeping, hopefully for the rest of the night. My body is just so goddamn tired. After our three hour rehearsal this afternoon, I just felt like I wanted to collapse. And then I got back to my room, ready to relax, when I remembered I had two loaves of garlic bread in my freezer that need to be delivered to townhouse 51. So, I took Angel and we went on our "QUEST TO DELIVER GARLIC BREAD!" And God damn those townhouses and how goddamn confusing they are to a goddamn freshman. I never know where the houses are and then when I find them, it's a project to try and find which door I'm supposed to go in. And usually I end up picking the wrong one and making a fool out of myself. Ah well, the garlic bread was eventually delivered and I eventually got back to my room and eventually finished cleaning it and making it OK for other people to see when they come up to see me in the Cabaret tommorow night.

And speaking of the Cabaret- I was so goddamn excited for it before yesterday. And then after our rehearsal, I'm not so much anymore. Sure, sure the show has some great highlights- "Comedy Tonight" was pretty funny, and our dances rocked the house, everything Katie Johnson is in is good (of course ), and "Avenue Q" is sure to get people laughing. But for every highlight, there is at least one lowlight. Whether it may be volume, or articulation, or hell some people just can't sing as well as they think they can- they show has some points where it just drags and all I see is my little brother dying of boredom because I was bored watching the rehearsal- imagine how someone who hates theater is gonna feel. And I'm not criticizing anyone, I guess I just had higher standards for the show which it failed to meet. Oh well. I just do the best I can and I guess that's all that matters.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Mmmmm....Chex Mix...

Oh Chex Mix, oh Chex Mix, why are you so good? As I sit here with a bag of now empty Chex Mix sitting next to me, I sit back and ponder how this Chex Mix has affected my life. Well it sure has filled my stomach. And I am thankful for that. I'm also sure it will add to an eventual weight gain as soon as the calories and carbs and sodium settle where they may in my body. The worst part about Chex Mix is the bottom. It gets all crummy and so I decided I'm gonna tip the bag up to my mouth and lean back so the crumbs will fall in my mouth. However, instead of going in my mouth, it came out too fast and went all over my face, the floor, and the worst- up my nose. Not fun.

By the way, I found my watch today. I partied a little bit. It was in a pile of dirty laundry in my room (which is no longer there as I did laundry for the first time in like two weeks today - zoikes!) I also need to do a major cleaning of the room at some point during these next two days because (yay!) Erika, Larissa, and Krystal (and maybe Mini-B) are coming up to see my show this Saturday which makes me tres excited! I am gonna dance the hell out of that stage! I am really truly super excited about the Cabaret.

One acts are all done as of tonight. They all were pretty good, only one or two I didn't like. But for the most part, they all ruled. Of course, mine was the best (hehehe!) Overall though, it was a good experience and I am so going to do it next year too!

Alright, so I think I'm all set. I'm totally going to bed early tonight. Well, early for me means at least after the 11:30PM episode of The Golden Girls.

What an awful week...

It's almost the end of the semester, I know and finals are almost here, and New York was a blast, and my performances have been good so far, but this has been one hell of a terrible week and the bad sure seems to outweigh the good.

1) Saturday: I lose my favorite necklace in NYC
2) Sunday: I lose my watch somewhere
3) Monday: I get a B+ on a presentation I worked hard on
4) Tuesday night/Wednesday morning: Fire alarm, couldn't get back to sleep until 4AM
5) Wednesday: Miss my first class due to me setting the alarm for 8PM
6) Thursday: Miss first class due to me not turning the alarm function on
7) Thursday: Wake up to discover I think I have an infection due to a sliver I got in my finger last night

It's just not been a good week. And I'm stressing out over so much and I just want these next two weeks to fly by...but I know they won't. Which really sucks.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004


My ear is killing me. I accidentally pushed a Q-tip too far in my ear today and it is killing me right now. That's the Ouchies. Now the Whoo!

So I stormed the stage tonight and kicked it's big black ass! I took the play and I stomped all over it and stood on top of it, a true winner. No seriously, it went very very well. I'm very happy to have that as my first show at Mcla (we say it like mick la here.) The one thing was I started laughing in it because Katie's wig fell off, and well I started laughing. Then she had lipstick all over her face from when I kissed her and I had it on my chin and everytime I'd look at her I'd laugh. I couldn't even get out my lines! But it was soooo much fun. And we were the first show where people actually stood up (I wouldn't call it a standing ovation, because not everybody stood, but a good amount did.) That made me feel extra special even if it was for Tim or Katie.

Two things down, one more to go.

And P.S.- Congrats to Larissa on being accepted. Yay! Next year is gonna rule!

What was I thinking???

So I finally managed to get to sleep at about 4- 4AM this morning! It's insane I know. So I woke up at about 7:57, said to myself "Oh my alarm will go off in 3 minutes, I'll just go to sleep until then." And then I woke up at 9:23. My alarm was set for 8PM. So I missed my first class. I never skip! I was so mad at myself! I know he's gonna ask me on Friday where I was and I'll simply tell him the truth. There was a fire alarm at 1 and it screwed up my schedule and so I was dumb and set my alarm for the wrong time and slept through the class. What a day this has been and it's only 10:30.

Curse this isomnia...

And damn that fire alarm! I was all ready for bed when the thing decided to go off. Now I know I won't get to bed for another few hours. Damnit all. Well I guess now is a better time then never to post my thoughts.

So the one act is tonight (Ahhh!) and I'm very nervous. I think I will be fine. And Katie will be fine. But Tim- well I'm worried about Tim. He screwed up his lines twice at rehearsal tonight. Screw up meaning totally forgot. But I'm good with my lines, and Katie's been good for a while now. I'm pretty confident it'll be good. Funny at least for sure. I know there are some killer lines the audience will laugh at. I love when audiences laugh. It's a great feeling to be the cause of laughter. And I just realized this is the first time any of my friends here (besides Carri) have seen me act at all. Zoikes! I better be good!

There is a random chirping noise coming from somewhere in this room and I don't know where it's coming from. Maybe there is a bird in the radiator. *feels inside radiator* Yep, there is. I think it's some sort of dove.

Sometimes when I try to go to bed I can't because all these thoughts come rushing to my head and I sit there and play out situations and discuss these thoughts with myself and try to figure them out. It's mostly thoughts about stress but tonight I seem to be getting those all-to-familiar-pangs-of-lonliness. They went on vacation for a while, but seem to be making a cameo appearance tonight. I'm sure they'll go away soon. I just read other people's live journals and blogs and see that they have somebody, and they're happy and I wish I could feel that happiness.

Which brings me to my next topic. Friends. Now I have some friends here, some very very good friends here, and a select few best friends who I trust and tell almost everything to. But I was sitting in my room today and thinking about the times I had with Jen and Sara and all my high school friends and I really have yet to reach a level of that friendship with someone here. Especially one I had with Jen and Sara and I miss that sort of bond we had. I miss being able to cuddle with friends comfortably and being able to divulge everything to, no matter how personal. I miss those late nights we used to have- our "actor's guild" in the basement of Jen's old house when we used to play crazy and wild games and sing Karaoke at the top of our lungs and talk about our crushes and what we'd like to do with them and then we'd be so tired we would just sit there in each other's company and that was satisfying enough. Just to be with people you love. And I really haven't had an experience here like that. And yes, I really have only have had my friends here for three or four months now and we haven't gotten to the point where it was with my my best friends from home. I realize this all will take time, but I miss it now. I mean, how well do the people actually know me here? They don't know know anything besides what I tell them and that could be whatever the hell I want it to be. If I want to erase all those bad moments that happened in high school, I can. I just want people who know me like Jen and Sara do who are close and accessible and here so when I need someone to cuddle with I have them. I guess I just miss my best friends, more than I thought I did. And I can't wait until I see them again. Because they really are the people in this world who know me the best. They know everything about me.

And I don't mean any of this as an insult to my friends here, I love you guys too, and you're all amazing people and I'm so glad to have you all in my life, but to be honest, it's not the same. I don't feel as close to you as I did with Jen and Sara. And now that those guys are not here anymore, I guess I just have this void I need to fill. And time will fill it.

Perhaps now I can go to sleep.

1:05 AM

1:05 AM, Wednesday Morning, Berkshire Towers B

Patrick decides it is time for the bathroom. He has just finished watching the final episode of The Golden Girls on Lifetime, during which he holds in his waste in order to not miss anything. As soon as it is over, he runs to the potty to relieve himself. Ahhh, a sigh of relief. Alas, comfor----wait, what is that noise? No. NO! Not....THE FIRE ALARM! No! Not now! I'm shitting! No! Damnit! Quick, wipe yourself. No time to lose. Runs out of bathroom, leaving his bathroom bag behind and everything. Runs to room, grabs jacket and winter hat and makes break for the door. Excellent. Avoided fire at the littlest bit of inconvience.


1:18 AM, Still Wednesday Morning, Berkshire Towers B

Flushes the toliet.


Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Sometimes it's the small things...

I know I've said it before, but really the smallest things can make somebody's day. Just by giving them one complement, even if you don't mean it and you're just trying to be nice- it really can make someone feel truly special. So I want to thank someone who did this for me last night by telling me I was a good friend. Hehe. You know who you are. And it just caught me right off guard, and made me feel really good about myself for the rest of the night. So you know who you are- you are a good friend too. And I'm happy that we're good friends together. Hehe.

Monday, December 06, 2004

"Momma...I peed my pants."

Around here, we use the catch phrase "I almost peed myself" to describe something so funny, that you laugh so hard, you are at the point when peeing in your pants is an option. Credit goes to Carri for making this phrase a part of our daily lives, here at good ole Mcla.

Speaking of peeing your pants, I'm having a flashback to nursery school at the Boys and Girls Club back home. I must have been around the age of 4. The year before kindergarten. I remember playing with the sandbox and having a blast when all of a sudden I peed. Right then and there and I remember a huge puddle of pee that I was standing in. And it wasnt't until some kid came over and told the lady that I peed myself for real that I realized I had actually peed myself and then the streams of water started pouring from my eyes. I was so embarassed! And then I was brought to the bathroom (which I still remember- it had wood paneling and a tiny sink and toliet and above the toliet was a shelf with clothes on it for the very same reason as why I was in the bathroom that day.) But I put on these wicked cool "Superman" underwear that made me feel wicked cool and then my momma came and picked me up and brought me home.

I don't think I will ever forget that day. The images still vividly come back to haunt me. Damn that child who told on me! If it weren't for him I would never have been so embarassed! Alas, to get to my point of this post in the first place. I have been a fan of this blog since I found the link to it a couple months ago. It never fails to "make me almost pee myself" (see the story above did have a little bit of relevance to the reason I posted this.) And the story that was posted today was one of the most hilarious things I have ever read. You must follow this link immediatley and check it out.

You Can't Make It Up


B+...B+? Are you kidding me?

I slave for nearly 13 hours on this goddamn presentation and all I get is a lousy freakin' B+! What a B+ says to me is you did not perform to your usual standards. It says it was only mediocre. Not "A" material. I am "A" material! My lowest grade in that class was on this stupid presentation! Oh I am so mad at myself right now. I know I could've done better. So many things made this happen: stress because I didn't understand the stupid assignment, I lost my stupid watch yesterday, I am concerned about the whole one act thing, and because I was the first person in the class to do it, so I went out on a limb doing it how I thought it should be done, and I guess was just a little off. It just pisses me off that I got a B+. Grrrr...

Sunday, December 05, 2004

"I'm in a New York state of mind..."

So as of right now, I've been up for about 20 hours with a couple very small uncomfortable naps in between. What an amazing day. I really had so much fun. I just love New York. I cannot wait until I'm a part of it all, being one of those people who look natural walking down the street. Although I did have my "New York" groove and 'tude on today as I cut people off and weaved my way in and out of the massive crowds of gawking tourists. Mind you, I am also a gawking tourist, but c'mon people, walk and gawk. No need to stop in the middle of a crowded sidewalk to stare at a big building.

Yeah so we hit up the places to go at Christmas time. First we were dropped off near Rockefeller Center and gawked at the HUGE tree for a bit. It was wicked cool. Then we went to Times Square, my favorite hangout and became part of the slow moving sidewalk of people. First we hit up Virgin Records, then we ate at, of course, the Olive Garden. Jeff and Ally didn't cover their portion of the bill, which pissed the rest of us off, but we had an uber good waiter which made up for that and plus we lost Jeff and Ally in "Toys 'R' Us" (which by the way- was a complete nuthouse!) and just left them there and decided to attempt to get into Macy's, which we couldn't because the line was around the block. Just to get in. So after that we took what was a very very long walk from 34th St. all the way up to 55th where we went to my favorite store, H&M. This was a) when I realized I had lost my favorite necklace somewhere in the streets of Manhattan and b) when I became very disappointed because I didn't see any clothes I liked. So I bought a bag for $15 because up until that point all I had spent was $20 on my meal and I needed something material to have. Then some more gawking at the tree. And some more gawking at the Saks 5th Ave. display windows and the huge "Snow Show" they had on the side of the building to the tune of "Carol of the Bells." Then Thea, Em, and I went to the big Disney store (I had a *Disney-gasm*), did a lap around Tiffany's and stared at the pretty diamonds, walked very slowly through F.A.O. Schwartz AND....get this...Trump Tower. Yeah, we totally just walked in, stood there, absorbed the presence of the Donald, and then walked out. And after and incredibly long 4...yes 4 hour bus ride home, we got back here at 11:00, after which I walked New York Minute with the Olsen Twins, which was actually a decent movie. I thought parts were wicked funny.

All in all, it was an amazing day. I had a blast with my peeps Ash, Heather, Em, and Thea. A non blast with my non peeps Jeff and Ally. And I missed everyone back here and my PHS pals who I am so used to walking around Times Square with. I am very much looking forward to going to NYC again with ALL my MCLA buddies- but I will never ever again go down there at Christmas time. Good night!

Friday, December 03, 2004

Another Weekly Friday Post

So in 43 minutes, I am leaving on a journey to go proclaim Jesus to the hills of North Adams. No I'm not becoming a missionary, rather I'm singing with a group of students my age (and a wee bit older...some a lot older, Ms. Katie Johnson) tonight in the annual MCLA Choir Recital. We gotsa some Christmas tunes (not any that feature Santa however... :( ) and the 40 minute Vivaldi Gloria. And thus my week of performance kicks off.

A follow up to the Emmanuel post. Today he came into my room and use my printer to have me print out directions. I told him no, because damnit this is the third time he's asked me and I'm sick of it. It started one day when he needed paper towels. I figure, sure I'll give him some. But you know that rule, you do a favor for someone once, you become their go-to man when they need something. Eventually, I gave in to him today after a long lecture basically saying what I just typed about the paper towels and stuff and said "This is the last time." Apparently it was, because the kid is leaving to go to Nigeria! Until the end of January! And after he tells me that, a light bulb goes off "So that's where the accent is from!"

I'm really stressed out about the one act next week. Not only do I have to dress up as a woman (which I absolutley hate doing) but the show is just not tight. I have 3 lines I consistently forget because they come out of left field and we've had only like 10 total rehearsals. I'm feeling super unprepared and I'm worried sick about it. And the pressure to suceed is double because a) it's my first real theatrical performance at MCLA and I'd hate to have a bad one and b) Kate's grade is dependent on us. If we screw up, she gets screwed gradewise. I'm just really stressed out and not enjoying myself and I'm nervous about the drag thing and my lines and blech...

And Frank is driving me insane with the Cabaret rehearsals. Two weeks ago we finished both dances and I've actually been practicing them as we learned them. And then he goes and changes things during the rehearsal and I'm thinking "That's not how it was last week." And I say "We're not doing it this way anymore?" And once and a while he admits he's wrong and goes back to what we did but most of the time it's a "No. We never did it that way." I think he needs to slow down a lot and just remember. It just bugs me. I know who is getting my vote for the musical in the spring, or who I should say is not getting my vote.

So I must finish getting ready for the show. It's going to go well...I hope. And tommorow I invade New York City, center of the universe. I will be sure to recap the day tommorow night.


Christmas Quote #5

"Happy Birthday!" - From Frosty the Snowman (which is on TV tonight!)

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Feeling naked...

So today, I did one of the hardest things to do. I shaved my face. It's been three months now (over actually) since I've had my goatee and the role I have in the one act requires me to have a clean shaven face (a lady does not have a goatee...well some do...but the one I play does not.)

I've had to do this before. Last year when I was going to do "Waiting For Godot" I grew a beard and after it was cancelled, I shaved it off. Really, I feel so naked and vunerable. And it doesn't help that certain friends of mine said: "OH MY GOD! You look so weird! I can't even look at you!" Yeah, thanks. That makes me feel ten times better. But thank you to the friends who did not say that and actually made me feel as good as I'm going to about doing it. And who knows, maybe I'll keep it off for a while. I did that last year.

I just feel like everyone is looking at me and saying "Oh he's looks so different and uglier!" Even though I know (I hope) that's not what they are actually saying.

Believe me, it's not my choice to do it, and if I had a choice I wouldn't. But I did. And there is nothing to do now but to get used to it. So to make up for it, I put a new picture up (for Christmas) and made it so I had a lots of facial hair. Yes it's white, but it's better than nothing right now.


Christmas Quote #3

A Christmas quote from my favorite TV show, the Golden Girls. If you watch the show, you'd understand to significance of Rose and St. Olaf and may even think the quote is as funny as I do.

"Like we say in St. Olaf, Christmas without fruitcake is like St. Sigmund's Day without the headless boy." -Rose