Sunday, January 30, 2005

Mentally and physically exhausted

Boy oh boy am I tired or am I tired?!? From Thursday night until tonight things have been going basically non-stop. From the whole puking incident to going home Saturday and babysitting for 5 hours, coming back here, having dance company sign up stuff this afternoon, which lead into our read-through for the show, and finally I am here lying down in my bed typing in my blog before I lay me down to sleep. I feel so drained of everything...I am not in the mood to be social right now, thus my going to bed before 12:00AM. It's very unusual for me to go to sleep this early but my body is threatening to shut down if I don't.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Yay for parts!

So I have been decided to portray Erronious, the feeble old man for the musical "A Funny Thing..[blah blah]." It's going to be fun I think.

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I have been both physically and mentally exhausted for the past couple days. I got four hours of sleep yesterday due to the fact I stayed up until 2:30 with the girls and then Tim asked if I wanted to watch a movie, and even though it was 3:30 by that time and my brain protested, I agreed and we gleefully watched my Spongebob DVD until my eyelids decided enough was enough and closed about an hour later. Cue the throw up. Apparently I ate some Salsa Con Queso, which my mom reminded last night was made with processed cheese, which my stomach can not take. So four hours into my sleep yesterday morning my stomach decided I can't hold this stuff down here anymore and made me blow all of it out of my mouth. What a nice way to wake up, honestly. So I tried falling back asleep and did so for just a short short while when I decided, "Gee I liked throwing up so much the first time! Let's do it again!" And so I did. By this time it was somewhere around 10:30 and I decided to get ready for the day. And so I went along until 4:30 when I took a brief half hour nap, went to dinner and then had every little ounce of energy left in my drained by auditions. I got back here around 9:30/10:00, and Tim and Moya both wanted me to go out, but frankly, I was so damn tired I don't think I would've been much fun and I would've crashed wherever I ended up. So I went to sleep here and got 12 hours of good, well deserved sleep time.

So that has been what I've been up to. I'm going home tonight to babysit but I will be back tommorow morning in time for some good ole fashioned dance company stuff tommorow afternoon. Yay for that.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Myself: On Being Consumed

Oh, it's invading every thought I have during the day. My dreams. Everything. It's a good feeling, but a nervous one. I am prepared for whatever may or may not come.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

An apology

If I hurt anybody by talking about them on this blog, I truly am sorry- that was never my intention. This blog is a way for me to express my feelings, my concerns, talk about what has happened over the day and also a way for me to make people laugh. It's a creative outlet for me and way to get out my energy calmy and effectively. I am aware some of the things I've said on here have been cruel and can be taken seriously but I don't mean it as such at all. Think of it as a comedian who exaggerates the truth and picks out characteristics of people and uses them for laughs. I don't mean anything I've said viciously at all. I'm sorry if you are one of the people who I've hurt and from now on I'm going to watch carefully what I put on here because I am now aware that what I can say can and will hurt people. I'm very sorry.

1000 hits!

Yay for milestones!

Monday, January 24, 2005

Goddamn you, you...headache!

Alright so everyone who knows me has heard me laugh, probably many times. I laugh a lot. I laugh at things that are funny, things that are not funny, and often, things that are only funny to me. But for the past few days whenever I laugh I get one of thse goddamn headaches and they are not putting me in a very happy mood. Which kind of sucks because I generally like being a happy person. As a matter of fact I have one right now. It happened shortly after I ran to the door in Lauren and Carri's room and Lauren decided to open it at the same time. Now, you'd think that would've given me a headache- but no- it didn't. The laughter that insued afterwards gave me a headache. And it was so bad and so painful I came up to my room and have been lying here in a mostly vegetative state for the last two hours. This isn't the first time this has happened either. During a very amusing dinner with Court and Em on Sunday night, I laughed very very hard and what'dya know, I get a pounding headache. Now these headaches don't hurt- they kill me. Like it was painful to lift up my legs and walk back from the cafeteria to here.

And I'm very tired due to the fact that I've been staying up at least until past 3AM for the last three consectutive nights (3AM last night, 4 the night before, 3:30 the night before that.) But I haven't watched my Golden Girls in like a week now and I miss them dearly but I do not know if I will be able to stay awake another half an hour to watch them...oh woe is me!

A nice night

So I met some new friends tonight which was really cool. And a lot of them...OK well all of them are just like me (if you get my gist.) We hung out and talked and watched a movie for a while and it was a lot of fun. It's nice to know I'm not alone in the world and there are other people like me around who know what I'm going through. I mean, I love all of my friends, but you share certain bonds with certain friends and all of us tonight had one similar thing in common and it felt nice because I don't usually hang out with people like me.

Let's see...I did a thorough, thorough cleaning of my room today which was very nice and refreshing. It also helped me release some tension and anger and frustration which is something I usually need to do.

And that pretty much was my day. I'm happy today was a day when I accomplished something and, I just realized, I accomplished one of my New Year's Resolutions by making a new friend! Well, this time I made a bunch of them- so if you're reading this, thank you for becoming my new friend. Hehe.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Creepy thug guys, snow, and pizza

So I had a pleasant day today. It all began around 11:30AM when I woke up for brunch. After brunch, put on The Lion King and fell asleep. Woke up, went to dinner, came back- watched Aladdin, then went out and played in the snow. Came back, yada yada yada, apparently some creepy guys in the building, yada yada, they get kicked out, yada yada, order pizza. Stay up and talk until 4AM. And now I'm going to sleep.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

You've got to be kidding me!

Amazing the stuff people come up with:

To see what I mean click here.

And to see how the wonderful US media is portraying the story click here.

Amazing there are these type of people in the world.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Losing grace...

Yeah so I had a long entry here, but ummm when I woke up this morning, I decided to take it down- so if you got to read- you're one lucky dog!

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

First Day of the Spring Semester

Today was the first day of classes for the spring semester. Everything went well. Sociology is gonna be fun because my professor seems to be somewhat of a mental case, and she's really funny, so I think it'll be fun. Experiencing Performance...well, this class re-affirmed my idea that this is not the school I should be at right now- more on that later. It's just not...advanced enough and the people...well, the people aren't that talented. I mean, there are some good ones, and I'm not saying I'm better than all of them, but I can see when people have what it takes to be an actor/ress, a lot of these people don't have it.

Also, I think I've found a new calling in life. I've always wanted to go to Africa for sure, but while sitting in sociology class I realized I can do a sociology minor and go into social work if acting falls through. That way I can go to Africa and work with the people and children over there, a longtime dream of mine. And now I wonder- do I stay here and do that minor? Or do I leave and focus on my acting career which is going nowhere if I stay here, for sure.

I know I haven't really talked about my transferring, but I am really considering it. It's been in my head for quite some time now and I've been talking about it with some people. This school just doesn't have what I need...it's not challenging me and that's what I need to grow. I don't know. It just feels like it's this huge burden on my back and I don't know what I'm going to do and everything just looks so blurry and I can't make up my mind and I'm not usually an indesicive person! Gah!

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

As I promised...

A before and after picture of my haircut. I now am without the goatee however.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Back at school

Yay! I'm back. It feels good to be back here. I loved seeing (almost) everyone again and being back in my room feels great. But I do miss my family and home. It's weird because I was just getting into the swing of home life again (fighting, screaming, et. al.) and I'm back here in my hot, smelly room (and oh boy does it smell!)

This past weekend was good. I went out on Saturday night with Jen to see Elektra (it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be and it definetly held my interest.) However, it seems like everytime I go to the movies lately people are VERY obnoxious. One guy brought in a little kid who talked loudly throughout the movie. And a couple of people wearing very big coats that made a lot of noise when they moved sat behind us and moved a lot. It was highly irritating but it was nice hanging out with Jen and seeing her because, well, I won't be seeing her again for a few months at least.

But now I'm back here trying to get accustomed to college life again. Trying to unpack my loads of things (a huge duffel bag of clothes sits in front of my closet- I am dreading unpacking it.) Class doesn't start until Wednesday so I have a little bit of time to get used to things.

Friday, January 14, 2005

There it goes...

So people I did it. I chopped off my curly locks. No longer is my hair long and curly, but it's short and rather straight. I definetly feel a bit more naked, and my head is a little colder now when I go outside, but I feel...free I suppose. Less bogged down almost. I will be posting before and after pictures as soon as I get the motivation to plug in my digital camera and upload the pictures.

So last night I hung out with Sara and Liz. And though I didn't talk much I had a blast and it was very nice to get out of the house and do something. We went out to eat at Applebee's and then headed over to Barnes and Noble where we looked at the sex books (tee hee) and a book called "Face Workout" or something to that effect where the lady on the cover made me almost pee my pants. Then we rented "Saved!" which was a satire of the Christian mindset and I found it very good and enjoyable. It was just nice to be around friends. I definetly miss hanging out with them every weekend and seeing them everyday.

I think that someday soon I'm going to buy Arrested Development on DVD on a whim. Which wouldn't really be a whim. But I'm planning on doing it on a whim.

And I need to rent Napoleon Dynamite SOON!

Monday, January 10, 2005

I consider myself a lucky person...

I do. In most instances in my life, things tend to turn to my side, and I blame luck for that. I'm not a religious person and when something good happens to me, I consider it luck rather than a blessing.

So yesterday we took a family trip to the Holyoke Mall. All was well, except for the fact I couldn't find what I wanted to buy on DVD and we had a nice lupper (lunch and dinner) at 99. After that we went to the nice movie theater in West Springfield and saw "The Phantom of the Opera" which, to my suprise, was very very good. All the performances were strong and the movie was beautiful. I got chills quite a few times. If you're a fan of musicals, you'd like this movie. But anyways, how ddid luck play into all of this? Well- after the movie as we're pulling out of the parking lot, I reach into my pocket to discover I can't find my iPod. After pulling over and turning the car lights on, I turned the car inside out trying to find my beloved $300 music player. It was not to be found. Oh great! It could be anywhere. It could be in the mall, I could've dropped it somewhere and someone took it. So after about 10 minutes of pure panic and yelling I decide to go back into the theater to look for it, hoping it would be in there and someone did not take it.

Cue me going up to the customer service desk and asking "I was in The Phantom and I think I left my iPod in there would it be possible to go in there and see if it's there." And the guy snarkily responds, "You didn't leave it in there." "What?" I ask, truly confused. "You didn't leave it in there. You dropped it out here." And he proceeds to open the drawer and pull out my iPod. Amazing. Truly amazing. "Someone found it and returned it. They said they would've kept it but they already had one." Amazing. Truly amazing. Luck. I'm one of the luckiest people. Here I am in West Springfield, in a movie theater and the one person who picks it up already has one and is nice enough to put it in the lost and found. I am one lucky S.O.B.

Friday, January 07, 2005

I'm not 11 anymore...

It's like you know you have those moments when you've just been sitting and all of a sudden, you have this ball of energy that bounces around your body and you just need to expell this energy....anyways, this happened to me this morning. I've been bored and lonely with everybody being at work or school and I just sit on my couch all day watching E! or Vh1. So today I tried to do a somersault to expell this ball of energy. Yeah, I hurt my neck. And I didn't somersault as much as I rolled around on my neck. I'm not as flexible or as nimble as I was when I was 10. I used to love somersaulting. It was my favorite hobby...no! Do you really think I was THAT pathetic? But it was something I used to do a lot to occupy my precious time at recess in elementary school. And I found it truly disappointing and discouraging I couldn't do a somersault. So I'm adding a new New Year's Resolution to my list of...New Year Resolutions: Somersault at least one time- perfectly without hurting myself.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Blanche...I'm a BLANCHE?

Apparently so...



According to the official Golden Girls website I'm a whore. Ummm...OK? And do you spell Umm with two m's or three? I'm not quite sure.

I also have this fantastic new habit: "googlewacking." I did a "Google" search of the word "googlewhacking" and I came up with 687 results one of which told me this was the definition of "googlewhacking":

The name of a "Google game". Google has an immense database. The aim is to enter a query consisting of two words (without using quotes) that returns only one result from the database. The words must both be in the dictionary (if they are they will be underlined at the top of your search results). If you see "Results 1-1 of 1", you've got yourself a Googlewhack.

It's much fun. My brother introduced me to the concept last night and I've been occupying myself with it for much of today. I have yet to win at this game, but my brother has won one time, but I can't post his words here because then there would be two websites and the words are cancelled out.

My life is pathetic...
___________

So I took a journey back into high school today with my pal Liz Shmiz. It was fun and nice talking to my old theater teacher for nearly an HOUR after school ended. I enjoyed it though and I miss that class and my friends in it mucho much. Ah well, at least I got out of the house for once.

Monday, January 03, 2005

New Year Resolutions for 2005

I usually don't make resolutions because I know I probably won't keep them but I'm going to make some up just in case I decide to keep them. So here they are:

1) Learn to eat with chopsticks. (But my mom says to do this I must eat slower, so...)

2) Eat slower.

3) Make a new friend.

4) Not talk about people behind their backs (I hate when people do it to me, so why do it to them.)

5) Not label things "BAD" in my mind so quickly. Be open.

6) Try new things.*

7) Use asterisks and footnotes more often.

8) Improve my singing voice.

9) Lose the weight complex. (Either by losing weight or by accepting this is the body I'm stuck in.)

10) Think of a tenth resolution.

11) Gain more self-confidence, let go of my insecurities (of which I have a lot of.)

12) Coin a new cathphrase a la "poopie farts" and "tres cool."

13) Make more lists. It's very fun.

14) Not make fun of my little brother anymore.


* Minus drugs.
___________

So yesterday I saw the Lemony Snicket movie. It was very good, a bit different from the books, but a faithful and enjoyable adaptation nontheless. I really enjoyed to movie, however it probably was one of the WORST movie going experiences of my life. Let's see, there was this little kid who somehow knew all of the words in the movie and repeated most of them aloud. Like how many times could this kid have seen the movie to know most of the words? It makes me sick to think about it. The couple behind me insisted on shaking their bag of popcorn repeatedly in my ear. THREE cellphones went off at separate times during the movie. Including one from a black family who was sitting in front of me, who I SWEAR it must've been their first time in a movie theater. This family not only had a cellphone go off, the mother answered it and talked to the person on the other end. IN THE MIDDLE (well towards the end) OF THE MOVIE!! And the kids would stand up when the movie would get intense, like they were ready to run out of there at any moment. The mother got up three times to go to the bathroom (BIG WOMAN, itty bitty bladder I guess). But the clincher for me, was when Jim Carrey's character appeared on the screen in a disguise (you'll have to see the movie to know what I mean) the woman said, very loudly, "WHO DAT?" I mean, c'mon lady. How old are you? It was terrible. But the movie was good.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

I need to sleep...

I can't seem to sleep any later than 8 in the morning here at home. I don't know why. I mean, I'm home- I have no reason to get up, yet I always do. Maybe when my brothers go back to school tommorow and I have the house alone I will sleep later.

So as you can see, everything looks a tad different. It's my winter theme! Huzzah! I also have a new picture to the left taken with my handy dandy new digital camera...it's actually the first picture taken of me in 2005! Yay for that!

We're going to see Lemony Snicket today which I'm uber excited about because I heart the books. We got the first three books in the series a couple years ago for Christmas so I've been waiting for this movie for a while now. I can't wait.

It definetly seems to be the Vacation for Movies. I'm still not done watching all the DVDs I got for Christmas (counting the TV series I got) but I'm going to amuse myself while everyone is in school by watching all my movies. This weekend we watched "Collateral" which is totally one of my favorite movies ever- a list I must compile at some point- the acting is just incredible. And last night we watched "The Princess Diaries 2", which though not as funny as the first, was still as charming and enjoyable. I love those movies.

Next weekend we're going to Springfield to see The Phantom of the Opera due to the fact the Pitts is not big enough to have the movie open here until late January. I can't wait to see that!

Breakfast time!