Monday, July 19, 2004

Post 14

Alright- I haven't updated in a couple days- A) because my schedule is crazy for the opera- I'm working 9 to 8 days! Holy cabolli! Is cabolli spelled right? Hmmm...

I also was reading "angels and demons" by Dan Brown over the whole weekend so whenever I wasn't doing anything I was reading that. Very good book. The man is an awesome writer. He also wrote "The DaVinci Code"

Why do I end all these in dots...

I don't know...

Hmmmm...ok, so these dreams I've been having are crazy- good but crazy. Mabrouka- the banana dream- HAHAHA! Yeah- that's another story. But I've been having these dreams about this person I saw at DARTS. They were a camper at the YWW, but man I obsessed over this person for the whole camp. Now I've had four- including last night- 4 dreams about them. Nice dreams. But I don't even know this person's name! You guys might've seen them too.

And which one of you Darties text messaged me on a cell phone that wasn't yours? It's a Boston area code. It's been pestering me for two weeks now. And I called the number today and a guy answered. I hung up. But who was it? Nevermind- it was Michel the moron. Mabrouka- thank you.


Alright- this is killing me. All my friends and family back home know, and my darties might have a clue or know, I've dropped enough hints- but I'm gay. Hi. Yes. I've been out for, almost a year and a half. I didn't want to tell you darties there because, well I don't know how you all would react. But that's why I felt really insecure the first week while I was there (remember my breakdown?) It was because Michel (dumb moron) told me the kids were talking about me and that I was wussy and girly. And it really hurt me and I felt really insecure and unfit. That's what that was all about. And one reason why I don't like Michel. Sean is also gay (if you hadn't guessed) which is what the whole "ummm" incident was about. He was hugging me because Moe told me to talk to him about it, because Sean could relate. That's where that came from. I just was afraid to tell you guys there because well, we were stuck togther and I didn't know how you would react/treat me after it. I'm not the type of person who flaunts their sexuality to others. i hate guys who do that. It bothers me a lot- but I feel a need to be honest with you guys because if you're going to continue reading my journals, I want to be honest. For instance, the dreams I've been having were over a hot guy from YWW. He had black hair and- oh- he was so hot.

So...I feel much better now. Sort of. Oh well. If you guys don't want to talk to me anymore or whatever if you hate gay people (which I dont think any of you do)...except Michel but he doesn't read this (I hope). If he does, hello! So leave a comment- tell me what yo think. Please. Thanks.

Alright, I'm tired. Go night night. Night night.


Blogger hOtmOmMa said...

PATRICK I LOVE YOU. I AM GLAD WE CAN STILL HAVE SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL GO WASH THE JASMINE SLEEPING BAG TOMORROW IN PREPARATION FOR THE LOSS OF MY's not my virginity...haha at any rate, MUAHZ. i'm still talking to you online so wooooohooo.

July 19, 2004 at 10:36 PM  
Blogger Liraea said...

PATRICK!!! yeah so me and the other gals, after our fiurst night when we were walking back to the dorm had a conversation in which we asked each other if you were gay. we didnt know for sure, cause we didnt wanna assume, etc. and so mabrouka was like yeah i could go and hit on him. and then we were like, maybe he's gay but doesnt realize;. and then, that night when we were talking about you gettin ass in college and i was like yeah so when you're in your dorm with your girlfriend, i said signifcant other afterwards cause i didnt know what to say and then katie made fun of me afterwards. yeah so i knew if you were wondering, or at least thought you gave off a pretty big vibe... yeah. so if youre worried about me/us hating you the answer (at least on my part and everyone else i hope if not ill kick their ass and im very strong mind you) is that over course i dont care and will accept it. actually i started a junior gay straight alliance in middle school which has spread to other schools around us, cause the kids were like what the fuck is gsa when they came inot the high school. anyhoo, enough blabbing bout this. i love you to death and will miss you forevr and ever until you come visit, and ive decided that if you dont come to my graduation i will KILL you. gently, of course. (my gentle implies a sharp scabbies infected stick). lol. i love you to death and dont worry about other people accepting you because youre wonderful and if they dont love you instantly then theyre not worth it. just think? if i had been a bitch and unhumane person and not accepted you, we would have never made our groundbreaking debut as the big spender fan company. oye. so, i cant say enough that i love you to death. it is again: I LOVE YOU TO DEATH!!!

July 19, 2004 at 11:23 PM  
Blogger hOtmOmMa said...


July 20, 2004 at 12:07 PM  
Blogger hOtmOmMa said...

oh yeah...i didn't just want to hit on you...i wanted to smoosh my boobs in your face...i think. or maybe i'm just re-living a fantasy...dumdumdum

July 20, 2004 at 12:08 PM  
Blogger Pat said...

I figured you guys would all be OK with it. And I purposely send off those vibes all the time. I want people to know and realize it without telling them- because it is so hard because of the hatred and judgement that is out there. I have experienced that sort of hate before and it sucks.

I knew you girls would catch on. Girls usually do. Michel on the other hand...was still telling me advice on how to get laid with girls. Moron!

July 20, 2004 at 9:07 PM  

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