Saturday, September 18, 2004

Bitter

So yesterday I went back to PHS, my old high school. I went and visited some old favorite teachers, and old friends who are seniors now. It was all really fun and nice to see everyone again.

But to get to my point here, I was talking to Ms. Palmer (my old voice/chorus teacher) and I said something and she mentioned how bitter I was about high school. At the time I didn't think much of it, but as I drove home I realized how bitter about high school I was. Why was that? Why have I convinced myself I hate everything and everyone that affected me in high school. I mean, there are exceptions to this, some things and people I loved and miss tremendously. But everytime I tell all my new friends about high school, it's always a negative. And I think I realized last night staying up until the wee hours of morning that I do this because I was hurt so much senior year by people that is is easier for me to categorize everything as bad so as I don't get hurt when I really think about it. And as a college student, I have moved past high school, feel above the petty drama I created and played around in, forgot my old "friends"- moved on with new ones, left everything I had loved and hated about high school behind.

I am bitter about several friendships I lost right at the end of high school. I lost my best friend, Sara. I lost a person I had thought was a best friend, maybe even more, Travis. And I was hurt this summer that the people I thought were my friends maybe weren't at all. I only talked to two people over the summer- Jen and Liz. It made me think that me, the one in high school who was friends with (almost) everybody maybe didn't have any friends at all. Maybe it was all fake. And it hurt me. So I do what I always do and become bitter about whatever hurts me and hold a grudge against it for a long time. And in this case, high school is the thing that I am holding a grudge against. Oy. Just needed to vent.

2 Comments:

Blogger Karine said...

Hi! I see you've listed Sex and the City as an interest. I have created a daily SATC trivia tournament, and it would be great if you'd want to come play.

http://www.funtrivia.com/private/main.cfm?tid=2880

September 20, 2004 at 3:42 PM  
Blogger veggirl14 said...

Hi Puffy Pat Poe!! I miss you! And I'm sorry about Corey. Once, I had a fish, and it died. (Okay, well that's the abbreviated story of its life, heh.) I had it on a paper towel and I was going to bury it, so I went to get a shoe box from my room, and when I came back my dad was flushing him down the toilet. That was semi-traumatizing. You know though, I find that I'm bitter about PHS too. There's just those things that happen there, and some (okay, a lot) of those people, that just make it an unpleasant experience. Somehow, the bad things are just more easily remembered than the good. Sigh. (You're right, it does feel good.) I hope you are still doing well and I'll talk to you soon!

October 14, 2004 at 11:29 AM  

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