Monday, February 28, 2005

The Hometown Buffet and Rent (Recap of the Weekend)

For the remainder of this post, the word buffet is going to be pronounced like buff-ett, because it just makes the word funnier.

So I went home this past weekend because my mother decided we were going to go see Rent on tour down in Hartford. Yay for Rent! I've already seen it on Broadway, but I was with my friends and my parents and brother wanted to see Rent so we did.

We plan on going to the Olive Garden and I think to myself, we should leave early otherwise there will be a long wait. Stupid me for not saying this to anybody. We leave the house at around 4, making the time we get to the resturant 5:30. There's an hour wait. Joy oh Joy. We can see a line coming out of every resturant in the area except for one. *cue the dunh dunh dunh* The Hometown Buffet. *DUNNNHHHH*

We pull up in front of the Hometown Buffet (remember the new "buff-ett" way of pronouncing it) and decide, "Well, it's not the Olive Garden. And it's fast. And it will fill the void in our stomachs." Walking into the resturant and I felt extremely out of place as we were dressed for the Olive Garden and a show, not a country bumpkin buffet. Plus, none of us had on a sweatpants, a shirt with a kitten or Tweety Bird on it, greasy hair, or a mullet for that matter, so we all felt we stood out. Walking up to the "cash" (which apparently is Hometown Buffet lingo for "cash register"- I know they call it this because the hostess called "KATHY TO THE CASH. PARTY OF 5!" while we were waiting in line.) Anyways, I get to the cash and throw up a little in my mouth. As my brother so gently put it, you know you're in for a good, classy dinner when you're hostess has a mullet.

So we decided to call her Mullet Sue. Kathy finally shows up to the "cash" to seat the party of 5 waiting in line to be seated. Because, you know, at the Hometown Buffet, anybody with a party over 4 has to be seated special by Kathy. Kathy is a half-man, half-woman deal who looks like she crawled out of a bucket of grease and then into a hail storm of makeup as there were layers of it on her face. Look, honey, the makeup might cover the blemishes, but it doesn't cover the ugly. Sorry.

Mullet Sue let us go seat ourselves, as we were only a party of 4. We find a table far away in the back. Next to a family with three boys who couldn't be over the age of 13 and ole' Granny and Grampy chowing down on their grub with the false teeth. Cautiously, one by one, we all get up to attempt to find food we can eat. I run to the macaroni and cheese, because I had known from past experiences at the Old Country Buffet (Hometown's sister Buffet) that the mac n cheese was something I knew was good. Next to it was some "Home-Style Baked Beans" which, without truly thinking about what I was putting on my plate, took a large helping of. I also grabbed some "Jo-Jo Potatoes" (whoever...no...whatever Jo-Jo is) and put those next to my beans. I don't know what I was thinking- I guess this is some sort of "novelty hick meal" or something- I was eatin' like a hillbilly.

I took my seat at the table and began to eat my food. I first ate the potatoes- which weren't half bad. OK. Let's try some of these baked beans....

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I can't find the words to describe how these tasted...

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Shit pretty much covers it. No, no. Soapy shit is probably the best words to describe these baked beans. Yes soapy shit covers it all.

My brother had discovered some "Chinese Chicken" (it's what it was labeled as folk- Chinese Chicken) which I tried and wasn't half bad. So I discarded the rest of my soapy shit and mac n cheese and went to go get me a plate o' Chinese Chicken. After eating this, I decided- oh yeah- I can go get some salad too! You can't go wrong with salad.

But at the Hometown Buffet, they know how to screw up a salad. First of all, I don't know what kind of spit rinse these vegetables go through, or if the guy with the cross eyes who was making sure all the salad was in it's place at the salad bar, who we nick-named Petey, peed on the salad first or what-not- but it tasted pretty disgusting.

I was at the table and I just started laughing. We had gone from upscale Olive Garden, to probably one of the dirtiest and scummiest resturants I've ever been in. The people in there were gross, the staff was gross, the food was gross, the whole place was gross.

So from the lowest of lows, we went to the high, stuffy world of thea-ay-ter. OMG though, can I tell you- Rent was as amazing as it was the first time I saw it. Brief recap of that:

First of all, we had the $16 dollar seats, so we were in the back of the balcony, and my knees were up against my chest. And I sat next to some large guy who has no idea what was going on throughout the show and became a radiator and I was sweating bullets by the time the first act was over with. It was so damn hot.

The show itself, amazing as always. Chill count: I got those hair on end, tingling chills 6 times throughout the show and teared up mucho bad at the "I'll Cover You (Reprise)." That bastard gets me everytime.

I spent $18 on a freakin' key chain and coffee mug. Hey- I never got anything from this show on Broadway, so I have a souvenir now. I spelled that wrong. Oh well.

And in three weeks I'm going down to NYC to see Beauty and Beast- hurrah! That should be wicked fun.

But that's a recap of my weekend. And to end this incredibly long entry, I bid you adieu.

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